God Just Laughs and Smiles ;)

Well January has rolled and Christmas was pretty great, so was Bradley and Hailey's birthdays. I couldn't have asked for a better life. Just looking at all that I have and all that God has given us, has given me, I just sit and smile. You know your plans don't always work out how you wanted them to, but when you look back at life after you have gone through those valleys you see when you climb the mountain top how amazing the journey really was. At the time, there is always those emotions; fear, hate, getting upset and discouraged, and the list goes on, but really looking back I can only smile because the journey is piecing together and I see how everything has played out. God doesn't put things in our path if he knows we can't handle them. I use to think if we are so fearfully and wonderfully made, why did God make me to where I can't do and make the one thing that I want so badly in life? When I look back I see why he did what he did and that I could handle it, my body could handle it, and that's the path I was suppose to take. God is such an amazing man that I can't help but thank him. Even though at times I couldn't see it, I have everything I need and the things I want, he will show me why I couldn't have them when I see him one day. It was January 22nd, 2011 and I knew that I wasn't pregnant, because we have to have drugs, shots, pills, pain, heartache and I have none of that. I am a happy camper, Brad is content, and Hailey just loved her party complete with Spa treatments for her and her friends. I came home that night, thought I would test because things that weren't happening were suppose to be. The line didn't even have time to get across the screen before it was positive. I remember Brad driving home from CVS saying, "we can't be pregnant, we have no more funds, the treatments were too much after all of that." I remember saying, "don't worry, I'm not because I don't feel pregnant or in a panic like the last four times." The Lord just laughed down on us all that night. He was proving that we didn't need medical science for something so amazing to happen, that we just needed God. Sure enough I went to the doctor and was, but she only saw a sac that day. She told me to begin all of my treatments again, the pills, shots, etc, but it must be too earlier and the dates are off. She said surely the baby will appear in a few weeks when you come back. We came back, so excited and so drugged up again, but we were ok because if this happened naturally, then surely it was ok. Our hope was in the Lord and we knew that he would be faithful and true to bless us with the impossible. Again, she could find nothing but a sac. She said it was a blighted ovum and that the baby had miscarriaged again. I was so angry. Why would God do this to us? I could understand if we were trying and it failed, but this was all him. A miracle baby. What was his problem. I began all of the lab work and was told that it would pass unless I wanted to do surgery again. I said no, this baby was ok. Denial? Probably. I went to the church that night, just me and God, no one else. I prayed and prayed and talked and talked for so long. I talked about how it was no longer a want. This baby was a need. He had given him to me and I wanted to keep him. I need to be a mommy after all of these losses, I need to fill that void. I needed it so badly. Well over the next week or so the normal miscarriage issues didn't occur. So we went back and in the waiting room I remembered us both on our knees praying, in the room praying, and when she went to see what was going on, praying. She took what seemed like hours, when it was really only seconds. There was a baby! She said my dates were off, I knew they weren't but at that moment, I was not arguing with her. We saw a baby on the screen, a baby that hadn't been there. A baby that was a miscarriage, a baby that was the blighted ovum! We left so excited and with a new date. It really didn't matter what date, there was a baby there. God had blessed us with this baby and heard our prayers. He was finally listening it seemed like. We were on cloud nine and nothing could touch us. Over the next few weeks we would begin the ultrasounds every two weeks, the specialists, the bloodwork, the treatments. Nothing could touch us...  We had planned for a different route, and then surprise.. things that are suppose to stop things from happening don't always stop God from doing and theis was proven to be one of those things.. Yeah for God.. or so we thought..