What is Happening?!

May 10th my husband and I went for a regular checkup, everything seemed fine, perfect almost that things had been going so well and continued to without showing signs otherwise. We were halfway there, 20 weeks in my pregnancy with our little baby boy Colton David and this being our fifth pregnancy, all ending in miscarriages, we were sure this one was golden. Well that Tuesday our UVA Specialist Dr couldn't find a heartbeat on the Doppler so he sent us down for an ultrasound. We all thought it just hard to hear. The machine was broken or something. Nothing is wrong, not this time, not now, we are soo close!!  Well the ultrasound confirmed that there was no heartbeat and she checked many times with Doppler, Heat waves, and looking at him frontwards, backwards, and sideways. His fluid was also low. So it was obvious, my water had broke.. I didn't realize that. They said at Uva I could do another D and C as I had with two of my babies in the past, but it would be next week before they could schedule it. The other option was to be induced and go into labor and deliver Colton David stillborn. We both chose that even though she said labor takes anywhere between 12 hrs and 48 hours to happen after induction began, but labor was it. Brad's thought it was so quick last time as soon as my body recognized the baby was dead it was hours later and then major labor pains began and he didn't want to be stuck at home and me in labor pains which was understandable. My reason I wanted to see what labor was like and what natural delivery was all about because all of my babies had been sucked from me like a horror movie with no closure, no sight that I had even been pregnant these past five years and I wanted to experience and see and hold my baby Colton David even though we knew there was no way to save him.. yes I'm crazy and even thought in the back of my mind if I deliver him I can save him. I remember telling the nurses that if they saw any sign of life, any breath in my baby boy, to please whisk him away to NICU, of course the nurses all agreed and said that they all would be watching. I've  been going in denial because every baby has been cut or c - sectioned out of me and I just got pain in the end, no closure, no seeing our babies, this baby was our son, a very special young man to us, he had already defeated the odds, and us both wanting a son, this was our baby boy. We wanted to see our son, our last chance to experience labor and brad coaching me and all that was involved in pushing and delivery. So we chose that they induced me we weren't thinking about a dead baby, we were thinking about the excitement of seeing our son, the excitement that every parent waits for to see and hold and have their child. That evening we went in to our room to prepare. I was hooked up to all of the monitors just as any mommy does, I had all blue wires and blue bands to represent a son on the way given and hooked up by our nurses. That evening it was 4pm and we had to wait for the doctor to come and begin induction. I admit it was a rough night for us because the doctor had to handle all of the mommy's coming into the hospital for delivery and to know we were waiting and hearing all of those new precious lives around us being born was a painful time. Finally the doctor came in at 10pm tues night and she saw before induction that I was already 1cm. Thank goodness we stayed. Dr said I've already started the process so may be quicker than a few days. Brad's only response was see I told you, and you wanted us to go home.. please.. lol. So they gave me a dash of potosin and natural seaweed to induce me at 10:03pm I was in labor not 15 or 20 mins and then hard labor hit and it hit hard, soon after at 1:33am I began to push. Brad said to hold on he was running to get the doctor because the doctor had not expected anything, but said that she would just check me around 2am just in case. I told Brad I couldn't wait. He didn't get around my bed before I delivered and Colton David was born at 1:37 that Wed. morning weighing 13.5oz and 21 cm.. It was labor, a wonderful, yet painful process. I will give it that, but it was quick and fast and I'm glad we did it all and got to experience the wonderful process of bringing a child into this world . Brad was great, much calmer than the last baby when I almost bleed to death and emergency surgery was performed. HA And ladies, I didn't get that epidural I said I was much earlier. The option was there, but did it natural so I was very proud of myself. Our nurses cleaned him up and took pictures for us, got foot prints, we named him and had our time with him just as any new parent gets with the birth of their child, seeing every little detail, talking with him, seeing who’s features he had, and just getting to know our son, then he was taken and we had him creamateded.... and came home that afternoon....