New Life...

After that tragedy, and finally coming to terms that babies were no longer an option. We begin to look at other ways. Maybe God wanted us to save someone else? Being a woman, I wanted to see what I could make, what my husband and I had made four times over the years, who's facial features, expressions, etc does the baby have so I wanted a surrogacy mother. When Brad began to do the research, I think it was easier for him because it wasn't endangering his wife, but it was making his wife happy and that's what he had wanted all along. Brad wanted a baby, but he wanted it to be safe. I wanted to see "us." So after lots of looking, we had decided that although it was extremely expensive, that was well worth it and we would save our money no matter how long it took.We begin to see the different routes God may be leading us down and they all seemed to be what he wanted because people began to fall into place, and help begin to fall into our laps as to the steps of surrogacy or adoption, whichever we were able to do the quickest. I had learned through adoptive parents how it was our child, it wasn't any different and they were all blessings, so whatever we could do was what we were, wherever God lead us. We were ok with this idea, and getting more excited because our hearts were being worked on and we were beginning to see what we were suppose to do, or so we thought. I began a new job, Brad had a new business, we were saving up for a baby. It seemed funny, but sometimes, we achieve the same things, just in different ways, ways that God planned, ways that are not ours. We may not love it, but the more we ask God to show us, the more help we get, and then more excited we get. We decided that the summer of 2011 we would go to NC to the fertility centre to begin the surrogacy thing unless we were directed in the way of adoption before then. We were having a great Christmas, we were getting more excited, we were sharing our stories about how amazing God is, our strength, and what became of all of our heartache and pain. If nothing else, we will be able to grow closer to God, to each other, and towards seeing things from the way he wanted us to see them anyway. We had thrown everything baby away, medications, clothes, memories were stored up away, and we were ok even though there were days, as there will always be days of tears, but then there will be days of much laughter as well. So we were  getting better.