Hailey's Feelings On Colton David..

Hailey found out through her Daddy calling her about her brother's heart stopping and the doctors not being able to save him. She wanted to come up right then to make sure we were ok, but she didn't want to really deal with Colton's death at the time. When we came home, she was a bit distant and with drawn, but over the past few weeks she has begun to deal with it all. She still asks questions and still sees us cry for no apparent reason, and she too shows emotion at time. For the first week or so, she had nothing to do with Colton or his death. The only response she had was, " If I'm so really angry with God and I don't like him right now and hate God for taking my baby brother that I wanted so bad, will God hate me for being so mad at him?" Our only response was, " Hailey, we are very angry and upset too at God, and that's ok to be mad and yell and scream at him he's a big boy and can handle it but, just as we get mad at each other in this family, we forgive one another and we have to forgive God and know he has a plan and that he did this because there is something greater and he loves us all very much." After that, she grabbed Colton's book and looked at it what seemed like for hours. We saw some tears, we saw many smiles, but she is dealing with it ok now. She asked for his blanket to keep safe with her and as long as she keeps it and takes care of it, it's hers. Her only memory of her brother that she has and we are glad she keeps it with her all the time. I hope it doesn't wear to rags lol, but am glad she is attached to something of her brothers. We think by processing, seeing pictures of Colton and knowing he was really her little brother has helped through all of this, whereas she was left out on the other four babies. She didn't see a little baby, feel a little baby, or talk as often about a little baby as we all have with baby Colton. She is an amazing child of God and we are truly blessed to call her our child. God has blessed us with one. She may be Brad's biological child, but she is my earthly child and I couldn't have chosen a more precious child to come into her life in such an instant and for us to be so happy even through the ashes, we will all rise above in beauty. ;)